Full Tank

My oldest daughter Amelia. Where do I begin? I love her so much that, at times, I could eat her up with a spoon. Other days? Well, today I had to take a "mommy time out" in the bathroom of "Los Portales" because I was just about ready to overturn my table of chips and guac. You see, she began the day by exclaiming that she liked her preschool teacher better than me. Then, at church, in front of God and everyone, she put her sister in a choke hold over an inflatable ball. At lunch, she refused to sit by me. But it was that snotty, sing-songy tattle-tale voice, the one that can only be learned on kindergarten playgrounds, that sent me over the edge. I went to the bathroom and cried.

I know how to handle Amelia. In fact, I have it down to a science, and usually, I'm pretty good at staying in control of my emotions in the midst of her "spirit." It's just that my sweet girl requires me to be on my "A" game. All the time. And it's been a hard month. With Dave's mission trip, company in town, Halloween, seasonal allergies and Dave's recent pneumonia diagnosis, I feel like I've barely been able to keep my head above water. I fell out of sync with myself and my kids. I am tired, I am edgy about laundry and schoolwork and upcoming trips, I am annoyed by all the little piles all over my house, and my priorities are out of balance. When this happens, I fall in to maintenance mode with everything, including my kids. Maintenance mode doesn't phase Sadie, but Amelia just doesn't roll with maintenance mode. And really, she shouldn't have to.

So, after a nice little cry in arguably the most disgusting public restroom in Eufaula (but that's another post), I went back to the table and decided that we were in need of a date. Just the two of us. She was mad at me so it took some convincing, and actually, a little bribery, but I knew we needed the time together. We spent the afternoon in Columbus. I let her spend a leftover birthday gift card at Target. She bought a pretend bathtub for her dolls and a 100 piece rabbit puzzle, just in case you were wondering. I let her have a (very small) diet coke for the first time. We walked the aisles of Pet Smart and I named all the different kinds of fish for her. Then it was off to Micheal's where she helped me choose some craft paper for a project I'm working on. On the way home, we called Aunt Abby to thank her for the gift card that bought her new toys, we sang "Wheels on the Bus" and "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star," we talked about school and her friends and the girls on the playground who are sometimes not so nice. And she told me that she didn't mean it when she said she liked her teacher more than me. By the time we reached Eufaula, she was a different girl than the one who made me want to overturn tables in public places. Her tank was full and so was mine.