It's almost impossible for me to remember what life was like before Sunday. There has been no way to mark the days since. No school, meetings cancelled, graduations on hold, playdates forgotten. Today was the first day since Sunday that there was something to plan for. It was a funeral.
It's also hard for me to remember right now that there are other things going on in the world. Reading updates from others about life as it was, life as it should be (whatever that means) causes irrational frustration. Anger, even. Maybe it's because right now, here in Joplin we are so removed from the trivial. Or maybe it's because I have removed myself from the trivial because of the overwhelming burden of guilt I feel ( I lost nothing when so many lost everything). Last week, I worried about getting my kids' teacher gifts ready in time, or the chipped paint in the hallway, or the way my upper arm flab seems lately to sway in the breeze. But that was before. There is only here and now, doing what we can, though it will never seem like enough because the well of need is so deep. There is a world outside of Joplin, Missouri, but right now it is hard for me to fathom.
This is an amazing community. A relative newcomer, I stand on the periphery in awe of all of the ways that people are working together because they love this town. Because they love their neighbor. Amelia's school sent people door to door to account for the whereabouts of every child who had not been heard from. Reconstruction has already begun on several of the school buildings to be ready in time for next year. Everywhere you turn restaurants offer free food. Free bottled water is stacked in parking lots for whoever may need it. After only five days, the major aid distribution centers stopped taking item donations because they were at capacity. There was standing room only to celebrate the loss of a beautiful and innocent life, ripped away by the tornado. There are tears of joy mixed with tears of grief.
I understand now why we are here in Joplin. I am bonded to this community, for better or for worse, and in a way I could never have imagined this time last week. Out of the chaos, there is hope in the new week that is to come. A new Sunday, a new week is on its way.
6 comments:
I'm crying. Yes, there is definitely a reason that you were called to be in Joplin, MO. God has such amazing things in store for you. I love the line "There is only here and now, doing what we can, though it will never seem like enough because the well of need is so deep." I wish, as a friend, that there is more that I could do or that it was possible to go out there to help rebuild, etc. I just pray that someday soon, the heaviness of this all will be replaced with hope and action (and that you can one day be thinking about trivial things arm flab like the rest of us : ) Cheers to a new Sunday and moving forward. I adore you and your family {{{HUGS}}},Megan
Another beautiful reflection, Sarah. I can't help but think about your last blog about Home and imagine how in the last week Joplin has become more of a home for you than you might have thought it would. I think of you several times a day and continue to pray that God will sustain those of you who lost nothing so that you can sustain those who lost everything.
God is good. All the time.
Bless you for so beautifully expressing what so many of us feel. Thank You Sara Jacobs Fisher
You are an amazing wife, mother and friend! I have been praying for you and for the community of Joplin!
Thank you for sharing! You have given us a perspective we don't hear about often. Please... keep writing!
Thank you so much for writing this.
I can relate to the feeling of irrational frustration when the rest of the world doesn't get it that the world as we know it has ended. I once resented everyone I saw in the grocery store who was going about their business as usual, picking out cans of tuna. I used to turn on Brian Williams on the evening news and wish he had been the one to die.
The world has changed for you, in some ways good and some bad. Time will bring them forward. For now, you are in the right place, caring and feeling and loving your community.
You are doing exactly the right thing, dear friend.
Thank you for sharing it. We are all behind you.
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