Why I Can't Sleep at Night

I haven't been blogging much lately. It's been a hard year so far, and I don't have a lot of time or energy to write. Also, the subtitle of my blog is "musings of motherhood and the mundane." However, lately, the things on my heart are not mundane, but profound. These days, I'm more in the mood to rant than to muse. When (or if) I ever have the energy, here is a list of potential blog posts mulling around in my head:

-The presidential election. Since Sarah Palin's arrival on the scene, my intelligence has been insulted by the indirect suggestion that because I am a woman, and/or middle class, that Sarah Palin in any way speaks for me.

-Political Correctness and the South- When I moved to Alabama two years ago, it made my skin crawl to listen to people discuss things in terms of black and white. To a certain extent, it still does. Growing up in the very politically correct Southern California, I was taught not to see, or at least not to acknowledge color. I was raised to celebrate diversity. Don't get me wrong; this is a very good and important principle. The difference is, in the deep South, there really isn't diversity, there is black and there is white. It is still very racially divided. So, how then do we live? Do we acknowledge this split, or do we pretend that we are the same? Is it easier to be politically correct when you don't have to apply its principles?

The Identity of a Pastor's Wife- I've not yet come to terms with this role. Honestly, I don't think about myself very often as a "pastor's wife." I think of myself as a mom, or as a teacher, or a wife and daughter; my identity is definitely not tied up in what Dave does for a living. There are several issues, though, specific to his vocation that I struggle with, or question.

The Reality of Poverty- The school that I work at is a very poor, rural county school. It is in the middle of nowhere. The students are bussed in from all over a very large county that has no industry to speak of, and no real cities. The kids at my school are unlike any I have ever taught. The disrespect towards me and each other is astounding. The fighting, both physical and verbal is unbelievable and daily. The apathy breaks my heart. The manipulation of the system, by both parents and students makes my stomach turn. Never in my almost ten years of teaching have I been afraid of being sued by a student. This year, I joined the union SOLELY for the liability insurance. Though I understand the antecedent to this behavior, it doesn't make it easier to deal with every day. I have always, always believed in taking care of the poor and in giving without asking questions. How, when you live in the midst of this, do you continue to claim this ideal and not become hardened?