I have a confession to make. I do not relish the role of the pastor's wife. For some, that may be a shocking fact. For those who know me well, that information is about as earth-shattering as the concept that water is wet.
Here are a list of my vocational inadequacies: I am not demure. I don't always defer to my husband. I am, unfortunately, not pure of heart. I don't sew or play the piano or scrapbook. I don't listen to (and don't care for) much Christian music. I can't name all the books of the Bible in reverse order, and I don't understand Biblical Hebrew. I am sometimes outspoken. I have lots of opinions about lots of things, and I don't always keep those opinions to myself. I can be sarcastic. I very much appreciate off-color humor. I am sometimes a doubter, a pessimist, and a cynic. I am not closer to God than anyone else. Oh, and check all of the above for my children as well.
You see, if it were up to me, I would rather slip in the back of the church unnoticed on Sunday mornings -with my husband. And I could do without the hurt feelings and anger that go along with a job change. Ditto that for the very literal divorce, even in the best of circumstances, that must take place when one pastor leaves a church and another one takes over. It's painful. I very often feel like a spiritual vagabond, an employee of the church, but not a member, and without a true home.
But here's the thing. I immensely respect my husband's vocation and am honored to be a part of it. He is doing exactly what God wants him to do, and with God's help, he is really good at what he does. While internally I fight against the title of "pastor's wife" and all the connotations therein, I know that this is as much my calling as it is Dave's calling because we're in this together. It is not comfortable, but a true calling beckons us out of what is comfortable.
When God calls us, he changes us, whether that be in character or perspective. He is changing my perspective and is opening my eyes to the ways I can be used as I am. I'm not saying that some of my rough edges couldn't use a little polish. I'm open to a little refinishing. A lot of refinishing. But I am realizing that I don't have to be the pastor's wife. I just have to be Sarah, the lady in the third row whose slightly feral four year old occasionally flashes her undies to the congregation during the children's message. And who, incidentally, just happens to be married to a pastor.
5 comments:
Love this post Sarah......but of course you knew I would.
There are times, I admit, when I like being a pastors wife....buts its all for the wrong reasons. ITs the times when I feel the need to be noticed in some way (that child like urge screaming out) and its so easy to stand there and have people talk to you because you're married to THAT guy.
but most of the time, I don't want to be noticed so I slip in and try to be just me.
I think I have been lucky that Paul's an associate so I can fly under the radar. I'm not completely under a microscope. And for that I am super thankful.
Thanks for sharing your heart Sarah....many times i feel your words exactly to a T and wonder what life would be like without the Call.
And at those times....just like you...I think....what an amazing Gift God has given Paul and he's so good at it. That trying to do anything else wouldn't be as good.
Love you and your crazy girls. They go well with mine!
This is an incredibly brave and honest thing to write. Bravo, Sarah. Your self reflection and sincerity is one of the many reasons I love you. I suspect many others feel the same way.
like, like, like!
I'm so glad I wasn't born 50 years earlier when I would have been expected to fit a stricter housewife mold, taking sole responsibility for the house and the kids. I'm pretty horrible at laundry. I have dishes in my sink from 4 days ago. I let my kids veg in front of the tv too much.
But we all survive (even thrive?).
Hopefully the stereotype for pastor's wife will continue to evolve, too. I know that Dave and your kiddos thrive because you are content to be yourself, not who others might expect you to be.
You speak the truth for me as well. Thanks for putting it so eloquently. I have often said that I am just a girl with the bad fortune of falling in love with a pastor. But I do believe God's call was for me too, even when I fight it. Let's write the real book on being a pastor's wife.
...and that is why (me referring to the first part of your writing) you are an excellent teacher! I don't think that in the 21st century you can raise and teach kids without most of the characteristics you mentioned. Imagine how boring and unchallenging it would be for your husband too. So, yes, just be yourself and don't feel ashamed for it. Lots of people love you for that! :)
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